Articles, Essays and Poems by Susan
How to Organize Your Desk
Humor Essay
Humor Essay in Focus, magazine of the Attention Deficit Disorder Assocation. (January 2003)
One morning, you walk through the door of your study, accompanied by a gripping fear. Somewhere in the heap of rubble of unfinished stories and essays lies a run-away statement. You haven’t seen your Master Card bill for two weeks, but the $573 balance appeared in a dream last night. It was the third such dream in as many nights.
Time to get serious before the interest exceeds the balance due. You face the possibility of permanently destroying your credit- rating. Better get organized.
These are the simple steps to follow: 1. Sit down at the desk. This helps center your attention on the desk and focus your mind on the organizational task at hand. 2. Stand up. You need supplies to make this project successful. Organization takes planning. 3. Drive to the office supply store. You need file folders, colored tabs, colored markers, Pendeflex dividers, a file box, three-ring-binders, two staplers, a hole punch, paper clips, and bull nose clamps. 4. Charge the supplies on your Master Card. 5. Stop at the coffee shop. You need caffeine to stay alert to the task at hand. 6. You also need the advice from a friend who you encounter at the coffee shop. Ask this person to shed light on the project; to share some serious thoughts about the existential meaning of your organizational resolve. 7. Check the time. If more than two hours have passed, you are losing sight of the project. Return to your car. 8. Revisit the supply store. Your friend suggests that you need color coded file folders. Return the manila folders and purchase the neon-colored packet instead. 9. Return home. 10. Sit at your desk. 11. Eliminate any distracting unfinished business on your mind. Complete revision number eighteen of your latest poem. You will also want to complete the letter to your old college roommate in the paper pile. Organizing is time-consuming. 12. Finish revision number nineteen of your latest poem. 13. Eat lunch. You cannot concentrate if you are protein-deprived. 14. Return to the desk. Try to ignore the sunshine pouring through the window. Try to ignore your heavy eyelids. 15. Ignore the unpaid Visa bill. Scramble through the paper mountain. Unearth the Master Card statement. 16. Write a check for $573. Look in the compost-mess for a stamp. 17. Close the study door. Drive to the post office for a stamp. 18. Next time, avoid your desk until the bill collector calls.
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